Diet Skeptic Gifts

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I've taken inches off my waist since I stopped squeezing from the bottom."

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

"Everyone knows you can't disturb a nesting bird. I guess we'll have to postpone our diet."

'If you go on a diet and lose five pounds, only to gain back ten the following month, how many infuriating, godforsaken pounds do you weigh?'

Jeff didn't approve of Maude's GI diet.

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

"This is great: you've lost 1 kg too! I told you the new diet works!"

"I am motivated to diet. . . but I'm more motivated to eat."

Frozen meal: Lose weight fassst!... DIET MEAL Mystery Meat...Contains less than 6% fecal matter.

"I'm looking for a diet that will guarantee my boss will gain the weight I lose.."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'

'Just thinking about New Year's resolutions makes me tired.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.

'I recommend the diet special: half the fat, half the calories, half the sandwich.'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Five pounds of money lost to diet programs.'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"Please don't kill me."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Gullib-Os

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'