Nutrition Terminology Skeptic Gifts

'It's fine if you tell me what's good for me, but please don't say it has "body perks."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Gullib-Os

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'The Werewolf Diet? It's great: you can eat anything you want, but only during the full moon.'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free range scientists.'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

Lite Beer.