Health Food Opponent Gifts

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Spontaneous Kombucha

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

Gullib-Os

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

"Albino broccoli mum!"

The Nihilist Deli.

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

Friendly bacteria

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

'How the serpent tempted Eve.'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

Motor-blender.

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' colour

'In factory farms they're fed antibiotics, caffeine, antihistamines and even arsenic. We give them a lot less of the antibiotics, caffeine, antihistamines and arsenic.'

'They're building one of those new health clubs.'

"I find if I say we're having hashtag broccoli or hastag brussel sprouts, they are more apt to eat them."

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."