Health Food Warrior Gifts

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

Carotene: A carrot with raging hormones.

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'If you keep pushing milk and vegetables off on me I might just have to give up eating, all together.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

Exercising

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

"I told him he should have trained more."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

Burnout Syndrome...

'What are you eating now?'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'Mom, do I have to hold my plank through desert, too?'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'