Food Warrior Gifts

'Thank you for this food, and protect us from the additives and preservatives therin.'

Food Shortage

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Impressive, yes, but what exactly is a black belt in cookery?"

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

Wordplay: Rabbit Punch.

A butcher and his apprentice.

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"All right, we straighten this out immediately! René threw the bouillabaisse at Jacques, no? The Jam-bon en croûte was thrown by Jacques at René, correct? The truite en gelée and the fraises des bois were thrown by François at Henri, and Henri threw the mousse au chocolat at François, and . . ."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

'LOOK RENOLDSON, i've had JUST about enough of your moaning and groaning! IF you can't stand the heat, GET out of the oven!' / A chef scolding his apprentice inside an oven.

"You said we were going to break bread, Mom. These are vegetables."

"Everything on the menu can be prepared with no gluten, standard gluten, or extra gluten."

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'... Got anything besides apples?'

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

Way Too Genetically Engineered Chicken

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

Food Cooked. Nerves raw.

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

The final all-toast supper at apartment 5-B

Pizza Fencing

Planet earth was again safe, Lenny a true hero and his brussel sprouts, for one, not wasted!!'

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they... develop a clear plastic wrap that doesn't bunch up!?

Cannibal: 'FOOOOD FIGHT!

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

"This Bounty is useless against the Quicker Messer Maker."

"Is this the table with a complaint?"

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"