Health Food Rebel Gifts

Can of worms.

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

The Nihilist Deli.

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

"It's improv night."

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

Dieting is for losers.

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

'They're building one of those new health clubs.'

Motor-blender.

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

"Listen Matt, me and the boys think you might be overdoing this Paleo diet thing!"

'Keep arguing about eating you spinach and Mummy won't be able to guarantee your health and safety.'

"I eat guys like you for breakfast! Well, I USED to, until I realized how pathetically low you are in omega-3 fatty acids!"