Health Food Anarchist Gifts

"Delicious!"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Steamed vegetables."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

Gullib-Os

The Nihilist Deli.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'As if school lunches weren't bad enough. Now, they have to be nutritious!'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

Food Pyramid

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Eating several servings of vegetables everyday is very good, as long as they aren't just pizza toppings.'

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'They're building one of those new health clubs.'

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

Motor-blender.

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

"Can I substitute saltwater taffy for the five servings of seafood?"

"Dad, what did you do in the war against GM foods?"

"Listen Matt, me and the boys think you might be overdoing this Paleo diet thing!"

'And just where did you study medicine?'

'Keep arguing about eating you spinach and Mummy won't be able to guarantee your health and safety.'