Gourmet Anarchist Gifts

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Holiday Supplies

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Haute Chinese

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Platter confusion.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Join me for dinner?

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

Decaying corpse