Gourmet Anarchist Gifts

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

Haute Chinese

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Platter confusion.

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

Decaying corpse

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."