Health-conscious Rebel Gifts

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'

"20 Low tar please."

Another weapon of mass destruction.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Dieting is for losers.

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

What can I get you? Ham sandwich with extra cheese. Double banana split. Side of sugar. Coming up, sir. I am abandoning my New Year's diet! If you're gonna go down, go down in flames. Burn these gym clothes!

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

The protestor's complaint. Chiropractor. My back won't let me stand up for what I believe in, but it also won't let me just take things sitting down.

Diet Enforcer

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

"I used to be a vegetarian, but I fell off the meat wagon."

Guilty Northern Pleasures.

Office Smoking Conflict

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'