Health-conscious Rebel Gifts

Health Shop: 'Got anything more exciting?' 'Sure, under the counter we've got beefburgers and chips...and cream cakes!'

"20 Low tar please."

Another weapon of mass destruction.

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

Dieting is for losers.

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

Diet Enforcer

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

Guilty Northern Pleasures.

"I thought you were trying to go carb-free?"

"This will maintain your rebellious image in states with helmet laws."

Office Smoking Conflict

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I used to be a vegetarian, but I fell off the meat wagon."