Health-conscious Giggler Gifts

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'It was this big. I swear'

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'All our food is locally sourced.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

Two breasts: No waiting

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"

'Do you realize that you have several passages of scripture right on the tip of your tongue?'

'You passed the physical, but your underwear is on the critical list.'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

Pre-digested convenience foods.

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

"You seem to be suffering from a bit of 'fluid retention', mainly beer and wine."

"The only thing healthy in this corporate culture is the yogurt in that snack machine."

"Guess what face I'm making now."

'We've put Father O'Brien in charge of minor sins.'

The Modern Daredevil.

Small man to tall smoker: "It's not big or clever you know."