Health-conscious Giggler Pillows

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'It was this big. I swear'

Moo-Magrams Exams

Cavemen Exhibit

'Our menu is divided into three sections: Cancer causing foods, artery clogging foods, and foods that are being boycotted for political or environmental reasons.'

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

'All our food is locally sourced.'

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

It's not a tongue depressor, it's a used popsicle stick. If you can name the flavor, your taste buds pass the test.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

The big bad wolf uses an inhaler before he blows down the three little pigs' straw house.

'With the added weight on their chests, donors can give a pint of blood at a time.'

Two breasts: No waiting

"Odd - you have bad cholesterol, good cholesterol, and some cholesterol that wonders why everyone can't just get along."

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"

'Do you realize that you have several passages of scripture right on the tip of your tongue?'

'You passed the physical, but your underwear is on the critical list.'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."

Patient to pharmacist: 'So, is it contagious?'

'If you want me to play 'Smoke gets in your eyes', I'll have to read you this Surgeon General's warning first.'

Pre-digested convenience foods.

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

"The only thing healthy in this corporate culture is the yogurt in that snack machine."

Nah, not up to much – just got let go by a sneeze, so I'm between bodies.

"You seem to be suffering from a bit of 'fluid retention', mainly beer and wine."

"No idea if it's gluten free, Hansel. Can't you just eat the stupid thing?"

"Guess what face I'm making now."

'We've put Father O'Brien in charge of minor sins.'

The Modern Daredevil.