Health-conscious Chuckler Gifts

"I think you need to work on your pelvic floor exercises, dear!"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'Side effects may include....'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"...and the King Cholesterol Meal comes with a side order of CPR."

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"One slice—hold the bread."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?