Health And Wellness Chuckler Gifts

"It's bad enough we males have to sit on the eggs, but now I'm even starting to have hot flashes!"

Moo-Magrams Exams

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'I'll take #1.'

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'I should try the polyclinic, sir.'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

"It's weeder's elbow."

"You won't gain weight drinking beer here. The bathroom is three flights up."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Computer: 'You-are-spending-too-much-time-interfacing-with-food'

'Ahh...Just what the doctor ordered!'

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

You've probably heard of "White Coat Syndrome," the phenomenon in which patients exhibit a high blood pressure level in a clinical setting, even though they don't in other settings. Well, you won't get away with that here.

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

With exercise equipment, it goes on layaway after I buy it.

"It wasn't really insulin. You don't have diabetes yet. It was just a warning shot."

'...is really all the exercise I need to lose weight.'

"Oh yes! Clearly another case of malnutrition."

'Who would like a little judo chop while you're waiting?'

The Fountain of Menopause

'Call for back-up.'

"I asked for cosmetics but I got ultra-processed foods."

'These aren't big enough to convince my family I'm really sick.'