Gutter Philosopher Gifts

'I may be lying in the gutter but I'm looking up at the...WILL SOMEONE TURN ME OVER?'

'You lifted your head.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Mr. Blok goes bowling.

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

Bowling ball van driving into bowling pin factory.

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

Bowling ball head.

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

"How much energy did you use to create me? I wasn't awakened with nuclear power, was I?..."

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

'I'd give anything to be able to sit down.'

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

'Henry was really counting on dying.'

You B*****D

Help! I'm caught on a pinsetter and I can't get loose!

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'I just hiked over a mile with that bear while debating the use of nuclear energy. I told you these animals are used to people.'

'Bloody reincarnation therapy!'

"What about you? Would you rather leave a stump or be mulched and scattered?"

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

'This is where my dad goes to seed.'

"Being deciduous isn't a choice - it's what I am."

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

Smoking world.

'Oh my, your gutters do need a good clean...'

"It's okay...It just thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"

Useful and Useless Screws