Gutter Philosopher T-Shirts

'I may be lying in the gutter but I'm looking up at the...WILL SOMEONE TURN ME OVER?'

'You lifted your head.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Hamlet in the craft shop.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

Deer against capital punishment about to be shot.

Mr. Blok goes bowling.

Bowling ball van driving into bowling pin factory.

Bowling ball head.

"Junior's moved back home! It took him less than a week to work out that the grass is not always greener on the other side..."

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

"I'm sorry your girlfriend left you, Frank...but you must concentrate on the job!"

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

"How much energy did you use to create me? I wasn't awakened with nuclear power, was I?..."

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

'I'd give anything to be able to sit down.'

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

'Henry was really counting on dying.'

Help! I'm caught on a pinsetter and I can't get loose!

You B*****D

'I just hiked over a mile with that bear while debating the use of nuclear energy. I told you these animals are used to people.'

'Bloody reincarnation therapy!'

"What about you? Would you rather leave a stump or be mulched and scattered?"

Smoking world.

"Being deciduous isn't a choice - it's what I am."

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

'This is where my dad goes to seed.'

'Oh what's the use? You don't know the course.'

'Oh my, your gutters do need a good clean...'

"It's okay...It just thinks it has Dutch Elm Disease!"

Useful and Useless Screws

"Now, nobody fall while I'm gone because I won't hear it."