Graveyard Philosopher Gifts

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

He was a great dodgeball player who's in heaven now. He will be missed.

Born Rich, Stayed Rich, Died Rich.

'Henry was really counting on dying.'

'And thanks for being such a rock.'

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

Life after death

The Boys of Indian Summer

Ventriloquist Grave

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

'It says here that later in life they were able to patch things up and became best of friends.'

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

Pranking Zombies

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

'McWit never could build anything level.'

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"It's not that I dislike being dead. It's just that death is for dead guys, you know..." Woody Allen dies, but his body keeps talking and talking and talking.

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

Owner tells dog to put back all the bones he's dug up

Michael Hall 1930-2002: wonderful father, devoted husband, benevolent employer, generous citizen, BUT...

Grandpa cheats death, puts in a pool.

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

Respects to Kevin Woodcock.

"Back in 15 min."

"Oh, I see - so it's wrong to cut down the Amazon Rainforest, but okay for me to weed, prune and mow our own garden?"