Gravesite Philosopher Gifts

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"It ain't easy, Doc. There's a lot of pier pressure."

"They're very time-sensitive."

How Relaxing It Is To Go To The Beach. . . How Close You Live To The Beach.

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

Lost and forgotten department

'You see, son, we are all made in His Image.'

'You have ear wax.'

Let me warn you, toots. Celebrity is like radioactivity: you start with a big bang, then comes years with a half-life of slow decay.

Gus never found the perfect wave

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

"Make it a gallon and a half. I'm living one day at a time."

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

'Maybe it was a left turn at the last set of traffic lights...?'

'Lawyers never come out where there's sand. The cats always try to bury them...'

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

'Nothing against you, Dad, but I'd rather be a POLITICAL pundit.'

'Well, you could have fooled me. You look as though you're having a good time.'

'Bloody warmongers!'

'Henry was really counting on dying.'

How does she get her grass so green?

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all,'

Honeymoon couple on a beach, husband smoking his pipe

"I want to apologize for some of the remarks I made during the heat of battle."

Man walking down the beach with a phone to one ear and a shell to the other.

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

'Get going or wait for the tide?'

'Yes, I'm retired but my former coworkers keep calling to find out who they should kiss up to.'

Reserved for Employee of the Month. You're a temp worker --- That's not the same thing as "employee of the month"!

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

Useful and Useless Screws