Funeral Philosopher Gifts

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'They always say such nice things about the departed at funerals, it's a pity they're not able to hear them.'

Funeral

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"They're very time-sensitive."

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Apocalliptical

Balding Autumn Tree.

Mall of ages

"Don't worry, Jules. It'll come up on your side of the house in just 12 hours."

The game comes first...

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"What if you go under before I need to?"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Let me warn you, toots. Celebrity is like radioactivity: you start with a big bang, then comes years with a half-life of slow decay.

Grim Reaper Checkout

Fisherman Funneral

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

No caption. (Mimes carry an invisible casket from a hearse).

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"I could never leave this place—this is where I grew up."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"Have you been feeling all right, Ed?"

A long way towards retirement...