Funeral Ponderer Gifts

'But if I don't go to his funeral this afternoon he won't come to mine...'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

"You think it's tough down there?"

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

Progress?

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

'I say we try it.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"I'll have dessert first."

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Confusionism'