Funeral Philosophy Dilettante Gifts

'Do you ever regret being cremated...?'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

One Way/Two Ways.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.

Time Out Room

'We don't understand it - she eats whatever we eat!'