Funeral Philosophy Dilettante Gifts

'Do you ever regret being cremated...?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

Macho Vegetarian

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"What wine goes well with £5.52p?"

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

One Way/Two Ways.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

The Man sits with 2 devils on his shoulders.

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

Time Out Room

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

Sandwiches. My doctor says I'll never lose weight unless I give up these grilled sandwiches. In for a Panini, in for a pound!

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.