Spiritual Dilettante Gifts

'I finally just told my spiritual advisor and my financial advisor to fight it out and I'll listen to whoever wins.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

They used a scientific method to decide which new product idea to pursue.

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"The job stress was already bad enough, but now I have to choose between 56 flavors of coffee."

The singles bar...

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

One Way/Two Ways.

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

'He has trouble choosing what he wants.'

"I wrote a wonderful eulogy... unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost it."

Time Out Room

"You are headed south. Your destination is straight ahead."

Frank, you're partly cut out of this picture! Kids these days know their gadgets but nothing about where food comes from. I hired a kid to work on the farm and that photo is what I got when he heard the word "crop."