Divinity Dilettante Gifts

'Are you SURE that you didn't say a little prayer before you had your turn?'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

The singles bar...

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"This next one goes to a special someone who stole my soul... literally!"

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

Time Out Room

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

Angels aren't lackeys - do thine own work.

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

'I don't need a GPS. I'm guided by greed.'

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'

'College textbooks sure are expensive. Luckily, I saved a fortune by using eTexts. Now I have to see if I can buy used eTexts.'

Surviving the credit storm.

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'

'Harold has been complaining about loose dentures lately.'

"I like to sit here and look at all the things I don't have."

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

Kid in corner to parent: 'When will I be eligible for parole?'

Demon with his tail caught in the holy book of an unaware monk

Man and dog puzzled by blank signpost

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'Mr. Doan says he has a bachelor's degree, but I happen to know he's married.'

"Well, how was I supposed to know the other driver wasn't going to turn left?!"