Grumpy Idealist Gifts

Ex-hippie-now-staunch-Republican Herb Miller's freak flag keeps on flying, much to his chagrin.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Old Man Journal

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Grumpy Old Men

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'Sunnyside down.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'Good Morning!'

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'FQ...?'

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"'Ere! I've been readin' about you in the paper. Winnin' £10 million's made you sad, lonely an' bitter!"

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

Moan Pig.

"No more cross buns for you!"

Pissed-off hour.

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.

"He's a curmudgeon now, but he used to be just a mean old bastard."