Grumpy Conversationalist Gifts

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Grumpy old merry men.

Old Man Journal

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'Cheer up...'

Grumpy Old Men

'I know how you feel.'

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

I HATE STUFF

Uncle Murray Weekly

'FQ...?'