Grumpy Yet Charming Gifts

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Grumpy old merry men.

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

"You have the Hum bug.'

'Cheer up...'

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

'Self-help books for cynics'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

I HATE STUFF

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.