Grumpy Yet Lovable Gifts

"I...hate...this....song."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Grumpy old merry men.

"Oh my God with the singing!"

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'Self-help books for cynics'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

I HATE STUFF

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Don't you snap at me, mister!'

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

Bakery Window: Cross Buns and Cross Gingerbread Men!

"It's armageddon week on TV. The death of hope always lightens his mood."

'Did he just flip me the feeding fish?'

"Everything okay, Wilson?"

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'