Grumpy Romantics Gifts

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

Life is for the birds.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

Love is Blind.

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

Cupid

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

"Bob, the whole Cupid thing is a metaphor."

Puppy Love

"Everybody meets online these days."

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

Tunnel of Love.

'As a romantic guy, nature always makes me thoughtful. Right now, I think about fast-food restaurant stocks.'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Consenting Adults.

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"If this means we're married the future looks gnarly."

Enjoying the fishing? Waiting for a bite. Ha! All you want is to spot the cute guy. For your information, I'm looking for fish! Really? My hook is baited I'm trolling. Hope you catch something! Me, too!

Heart is sewn back together.

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."