Grumpy Commentator Gifts

Old Man Journal

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Expressions of mystery.

Grumpy old merry men.

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I like it.'

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Art Gallery.

'Cheer up...'

Grumpy Old Men

'I know how you feel.'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Self-help books for cynics'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"