Grumpy Mood Humorist Gifts

'I know how you feel.'

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Grumpy old merry men.

Old Man Journal

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

"I'm in a bad mood today: sit down!"

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

Grumpy Old Men

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

'Self-help books for cynics'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Don't walk while cross.

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

"Knock it off, will you, Tom? I've had a lousy day."

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.

How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.

"Everything okay, Wilson?"