Grumpy Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"Well, there's no need to rub it in."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"I hate it..."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

"Hey. When I want your help, I'll ask for it."

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"You have the Hum bug.'

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Grumpy Old Men

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

"Honey, I have to go to the Moria refugee camp. I'll be back soon, the work there will practically take cake of itself."

'I know how you feel.'

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Covid Boarding Pass

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'Self-help books for cynics'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Stop pestering me. Dating you is the last thing I'd do."

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

"We managed to resuscitate him, but he's still very critical."