Grumpy Guru Gifts

Desk Bins of a Curmudgeon.

'Not now - I'm under a lot of atmospheric pressure.'

'Bob's served the company as man and boy, and as cantankerous old moaner who doesn't understand IT.'

"It has been very dry lately, except on your father, of course."

First Principle of Human Crankiness

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"I...hate...pinata parties."

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

Moan Pig.

Pissed-off hour.

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Have A Nice Day (piss off)

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the street this morning.'

'FQ...?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Old Man Journal

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

Moanathon.

Grumpy Old Men

'Cheer up...'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sunnyside down.'

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"Perhaps a dirge would lift your spirits?"