Grumpy Wisdom Gifts

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Grumpy old merry men.

Old Man Journal

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Cheer up...'

Grumpy Old Men

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'Self-help books for cynics'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Kids get right up my nose!'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

'FQ...?'

I HATE STUFF

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

Moan Pig.

Pissed-off hour.