Grumpiness Gurus Gifts

"Irritable bowls syndrome."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"You have the Hum bug.'

Everyone at happy hour is grumpy.

'Cheer up...'

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

'FQ...?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

I HATE STUFF

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

Moan Pig.

'Face it Marvin, you're a madstrom of conflicting emotions.'

'Dinner.'

'Be advised, Monday through Thursday I don't do 'perky'.'

'Don't you snap at me, mister!'

Pissed-off hour.