Grumpiness Guru Gifts

BEWARE woman with PMS

Grumpy Moody Boy.

'Sour grapes AGAIN?'

"I'm sorry, did you say something you haven't already said a million times before?"

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

'Be careful, Dad, your wife is in a bad mood!'

'Cheer up...'

"So, was it a bad day, or was it just a bad fifteen minutes you've been dragging around since this morning?"

"If you were as grumpy as me, we could have been rich by now."

"I'm sorry, Harold is resting at the moment. He's been trying to be amicable all day."

"This anti-grump patch is working. I've only yelled 'Get Off My Lawn' three times today."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Dinner.'

'You'll love Elliot, Father, He despises everyone even more than you do!'

'You're smoking like a bastard tonight.'

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'Oh that?... It has nothing to do with the formula; it just makes the whole thing seem less grumpy.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"You have the Hum bug.'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

I HATE STUFF

'FQ...?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"