Grumble Guru Gifts

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

I've been trying to stop grumbling under my breath. It's just a case of mind over mutter!

Moaning makes you a magnet for other moaners..

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Old Man Journal

Courtney Love

Kurt Cobain

Grumpy Old Men

'Cheer up...'

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

A Grumble Bee

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Self-help books for cynics'

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."