Grunting Gurus Gifts

'Could you help me on my grunting.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh Hi!'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

Getting through the week.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

100k Desert Crawl

'Why am I such a grouch?'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

The Inner Dog.

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

Courtney Love

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

'Cheer up...'

Kurt Cobain

If your question concerns your golf ball, the answer is yes, I know where it is.

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Curious and curiouser."

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

'FQ...?'

"You're still grumpy. See if you can get a refund on that Happy Meal."

It was love at first sight...then one of them got hungry.

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"Gangs Of Nude Beach"

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"