Grunting Gurus Gifts

'Could you help me on my grunting.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Oh Hi!'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

Getting through the week.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

100k Desert Crawl

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'Why am I such a grouch?'

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

The Inner Dog.

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"I promise you. One day granite kitchens will be the in thing."

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

Courtney Love

'Cheer up...'

"My libido?...What the hell does this even mean?"

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"Curious and curiouser."

'FQ...?'

"Gangs Of Nude Beach"

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

It was love at first sight...then one of them got hungry.

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"

"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."