Grind Guru Gifts

Getting through the week.

"Remind me, what's the difference between a metaphor and a simile?"

"I've been to the office..."

"Whole bean or ground relentlessly to dust?"

"Wow. This sucks."

"How can you be out of wings?"

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Barbecuing Aprons For Today's Guys

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'Oh Hi!'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Man cooking a single sausage on a very large barbeque.

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

"Come and get it!"

Licensed to grill.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

'Has anybody seen the flyswatter?'

100k Desert Crawl

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

'Nice barbecue, Normy!!'

'I know, we'll lead off the presentation with me telling an incredibly long and seemingly pointless anecdote about the time I burned my finger while lighting the back yard grill...'

Funky Chef 2

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."