Grumpy Philosophers Gifts

'I hate Leap Year!' It's always got that extra day in it!'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Old Man Journal

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It Works For Us."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

Grumpy Old Men

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

Phrenology - Braille Edition.

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

I lactate, therefore I am.