Grumpy Philosophers Gifts

'I hate Leap Year!' It's always got that extra day in it!'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

Pigeon Little

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Old Man Journal

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

Grumpy Old Men

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It Works For Us."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"No thanks, I'm vegetarian."

'Well, that answers that age-old question. According to the tape, the chicken came first. . . which brings up another age-old question: is the last one a rotten egg?'

I lactate, therefore I am.

The end is near.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

Phrenology - Braille Edition.