Grumpy Connoisseur Gifts

"Damn it, Wilbur, that's our bench!"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

"I hate it..."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Grumpy old merry men.

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Grumpy Old Men

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Kids get right up my nose!'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

'Sunnyside down.'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Self-help books for cynics'

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Tuna on rye, hold the smile."

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"