Grump Connoisseur Gifts

'To me being crabby is an art form.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Imagine

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"You have the Hum bug.'

3 Bottle Banks - Clear, coloured and rum bottles.

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"I'm working on a watercolor."

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

Blue wine

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

Uncle Murray Weekly

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

Dark and Stormy

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Honk if you know the meaning of life'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

So much to be cross about, so little time.

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

"The presentation is dreadful."

Crappy Diem

'What are you annoyed about now?'