Grump Connoisseur T-Shirts

'To me being crabby is an art form.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Imagine

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'I hate surprises!'

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"You have the Hum bug.'

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

3 Bottle Banks - Clear, coloured and rum bottles.

"I'm working on a watercolor."

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"Mummy's a bit grisly in the mornings. But after something to eat and a little nap, she's quite pleasant."

Blue wine

"And to my brother, who I promised to mention in my will, 'Hi Grumpy'!"

"People keep telling me that it takes more facial muscles to frown than it does to smile... I tell them that I am working out."

Helen's husband is an old grump, too.

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

"Is everything okay, dear? You're smiling!"

Dark and Stormy

Uncle Murray Weekly

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Honk if you know the meaning of life'

Wife about mad man leaving church: 'You'll have to excuse my husband. He always wakes up grumpy.'

"The presentation is dreadful."

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

So much to be cross about, so little time.

Crappy Diem