Grocery Shopping Expert Gifts

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Important Food Groups

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Unusual Offers

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Witches Checkout.

'Diet considerations.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."