Grocery Shopping Guru Gifts

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Fish counter: sole/solemate.

Man trying to decide from way too many cashew options.

Friendly bacteria

"I'm so proud! I successfully navigated the self-checkout lane with all these fruits and vegetables."

"Today is catch-your-own day."

'The cost of living has given this gentleman a migraine.'

"Would you like your milk in a bag?"

"Well, news flash, buddy! You're not really a pro athlete!"

"Cellulose pulp or polyethene?"

"Louie 'Three Fingers,' Tony 'The Chin,' Joey Alfonso... Dang it, Vinny, you brought me the hit list instead of the grocery list!"

Fresh Food and Regurgitated

"This is it! The perfect turkey!"

Supermarket trolley delivery van.

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

'The scanner says you're the only one in the neighborhood of your ethnic group who buys raisin bread.'

Christmas food.

'Madam, if you were as dead as a fish you wouldn't smell so good either.'

Free sample stand in food market.

"Do you wash your plums?"

"Putting all your eggs in one basket...means you need only one shopping cart!"

'Firstly Madame, the Green Grocer is across the road and secondly that should explain why your 'bananas' are vibrating...!'

'So, Fathead, you gonna buy me or not?! Come on, Bozo, make up your mind!'

Beverages. Drinking Water. (Some Assembly Required.) Oxygen. Hydrogen.

Alphabet Soup. Numerical Soup -- for the Scientific-Minded.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

"Caution: this tomato soup combined with our chicken noodle soup can form a lethal nerve gas."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."