Grocery Store Guru Gifts

8 Foodscare products or less.

Why would anyone want to polish a lemon?

Superstore Message

Spoiled Milk

'Where do you keep the bait, er, uh, I mean, bird seed?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Domestic Superheroes!!

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

French wine

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."