Grocery Enthusiast Gifts

"Pay no attention, Maureen's showing off her personal financial advisor,"

Man with meat getting chased by dogs

'I only got the essentials...meat,vegetables and the tabloids!'

"I can usually locate him by the aisle clean up announcements."

Tesco at top of the Mountain.

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"It makes it easier on the customers when I ring up the total!"

Snacks, Condiments, Necessary Evils.

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

'Is it me, or are these trolleys getting bigger?'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Neighborhood Grocer.

"OK, I've led you down the aisle. Can we have sex now?"

Speed camera in supermarket to catch speeding trollies.

Aggressive grocery shopping

Lite water contains 20% less moisture than regular water.

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Witches Checkout.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.