Grocery Enthusiasts Gifts

The Creature of the Black Legume

"I'm not going to panic until the guy who leaves our groceries outside our door tells us to panic."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Join me for dinner?

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Witches Checkout.

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Haute Chinese

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."