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The Creature of the Black Legume

"I'm not going to panic until the guy who leaves our groceries outside our door tells us to panic."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

Join me for dinner?

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

Haute Chinese

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Witches Checkout.

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."