Grocery Expert Gifts

'That's Jeb Lambert. He was actually the first one to say 'paper or plastic'. Before that everyone said 'plastic or paper'... I mean, can you imagine?'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

Unusual Offers

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'I've got it written down...'

Alphabet soup

Self-Checkout.

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

Low Hanging Fruit

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

Friendly bacteria

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.