Grocery Connoisseur Gifts

"I got your Postum, but they were right out of twenty-five-cent Marianne Moore stamps."

Fancy, Extra Fancy, and Reality Fruits

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I come here for the pepper."

A Day In The Kitchen

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

Full English Breakfast.

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Regular service or affected?"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Do I really have to remind you again about which one of us earns the truffles, Jean-Claude?'

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."