Grocery Shopping Pro Gifts

"Unexpected item in the bagging area..."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"Everything's gone up."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Unusual Offers

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

'Diet considerations.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I've got it written down...'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'